Road to Baby Tristan: An Infertility Journey: From Good, To Bad, To Great!

Geez, a lot has happened since Saturday. Obviously, I’m not posting every day, it’s fairly hard to do when you have a full time job and full time school, plus your regular wife duties. Blah! Lol! But it’s good to stay pre-occupied. It’s definitely kept my mind off the whole NO CALL thing. That has been great.

Saturday was a good day, we spent it with family, still supporting eachother over the loss of my cousin. My aunt, seems to be doing much better. Although, I still keep being asked (EVERYTIME) if we got the call yet. UGH! I understand everyone’s excited. I really do, but it’s so hard to keep saying NO. They keep refreshing it in my mind that No, I’m not a mom yet! Plus, if we would have gotten a call, wouldn’t we already have a child with us? I just don’t know. It’s probably just me being irritated with the whole situation. It’s probably very hard for people to understand why I feel this way, but it’s just how it is.

Sunday was also a great day. Also spent it with family and also enjoyed it very much. I was able to see both of my little nieces and my little nephew today. That makes me happy. Anabella, Camila, and Ethan are my 3 little loves. My sister in law is pregnant and Camila will soon be a big sister. So soon I will have two nephews and two nieces. I’m very blessed. We are very blessed. I can’t wait to be able to have my baby so that he/she can have fun playing with his/her cousins! What a dream that would be!

Monday… oh Monday! That was not a fun day. I had work. 8-5. I felt a little on the edge that day in regards to mood. I think it was just the thought that I found out 5 different women were pregnant yesterday. I went to sleep Sunday night with a headache and truthfully, very sad. I thought I was over it, but I wasn’t apparently. It’s so hard. It’s just so hard. I want to be happy for them. I swear I do. That’s just the type of person I am. Happy for everyone! But in situations like these, I just can’t. Many people don’t understand why, but if you have been in a infertility situation as I am now, you will definitely understand why I’m feeling this way.

To top it off, I had a ton of homework. As soon as I got off work, I went to go have some chicken soup at my parents. Yummy! My mommy’s cooking always gets me in a better mood. I had been craving it all day too! So I quickly ate, then headed home. I’m in Chemistry this time around, and let me just say, I was crying towards the end of the night, thinking that I’m going to fail this class. I have a great GPA right now and I really don’t want it to get ruined. My husband even tried to help me, but just couldn’t figure it out either. I was so upset. I went to sleep really late.

I wake up Tuesday morning with a massive headache. I couldn’t even sleep. But at least the homework had been turned in and I had the next two days off. THANK GOD! Work was a good day as well. It was a gorgeous day! 70’s and sunny. Awesome. I had lunch with my husband again (since I had lunch with him the day before too). I got off work, checked the mail as I usually do and BAM! Another reminder that we haven’t received the call.

I ordered a Carseat Canopy from the website about 2 months ago. Soon after us getting the clear from inspection. I thought that by the time it arrived, we would definitely have our baby… I was actually a little annoyed that it was going to take so long to arrive because I wanted to have it by the time the call came. Yeah, no need to worry about that now. It’s definitely here before that… 2 months later to be exact!

It looked exactly as how I wanted it. It’s gorgeous… it made my heart melt to think this little blanket was for my baby… it even had its nick name on it. It matched its nursery. It’s perfect. Just as perfect as Baby Tristan will be. I can’t wait to have our baby.

I tried to think positive and I did. I know it’s going to happen. It can’t NOT happen. It’s just a matter of waiting. Patiently. As if it weren’t important… so it doesn’t consume your mind… heart… life!

We went out to have a nice dinner at a restaurant we had been wanting to try. It was nice to go out and have a nice dinner with my husband. We hadn’t done that in a while. We then came home, rested a little, went for a walk with our doggies, and then came home for a nice cup of tea before bed. It was overall a great evening.

I can’t complain about the very blessed and amazing life I have. The waiting part for “THE CALL” is what’s not letting me enjoy it. Although, I know I shouldn’t let it get to me, it does. But evenings like yesterday are the ones that remind me that everything will be ok. I have a wonderful husband, and a great life overall.

We just have to continue praying for the call.

-Nati Tristan