I'm not a wierdo anti-children person...

Where should I start? Ah, yes! I’m NOT fertile. Blah! There it’s out in the open . It’s not that I didn’t want people to know.(Ok, at times I didn’t want anyone to know) I just thought I was alone and nobody would care. I mean, everyone, left and right, was having children. It seemed like nobody other than me had this issue, so why share it. They would never understand.

Oh I was wrong! So so wrong! There’s actually a HUGE other world of women that deal with infertility on a daily basis. I’m not the only one getting beat up every time I see a BFN (Big Freaking Negative) on that pee stick. I’m not the only one that has gone through depression and seen a psychiatrist and a psychologist and still feel like crap. I’m not the only that has gone through fertility treatments with no success and dealt with people asking, “Why don’t you have any kids, yet?”

That question. That million dollar question…  “Do you have any kids?” “Why not?” “Oh, I’m sorry” and then if you don’t tell them why you don’t have any kids, they look at you as you are some weirdo anti-child person that is psycho for not having kids!! Argh! The aggravation of it all is just frustrating! And sad. Very sad. Yet, you still feel that if you talk about it, NOBODY will understand.

So it brought me to this… to tell you my journey. You don’t have to respond, you don’t have to listen, you don’t have to come back after reading this once.It just gives me the opportunity to give you the information and the comfort if you are still going what I’m going through. It gives you the opportunity to understand (if you are fertile) how horrible and sad the life of infertile woman is.

If you decide to come back and follow my journey to motherhood (and my husband’s journey to fatherhood), I can assure you, you are in for a ride. It’s been one heck of a ride thus far, and there is still a lot more to come.

For now, I’m only leaving you with this introduction. This little piece of my mind. But I promise to be back tomorrow, with some little history on how this journey began. So hold on to your seats, I won’t promise you a happy ending, and I won’t promise you that you won’t shed some tears, but I promise you it will be an adventure. An adventure that although hard, sad, and funny at times, has made me who I am. My faith continues as I am still wishfully hoping for that happy ending, but until then, we will just pray.

 

-N. Tristan